So, I'm sitting here studying and listening to music and looking at everyone around me.  I was at Thrios earlier and was doing the same thing plus jammin on my guitar with some friends.  I'm not really that great at guitar.  I met this girl thats from the U of A and she is majoring in what I want to major in as far a fashior merchandising.  I would love to go into the fashion industry.  I dont know why that interest me so much.  See, there are these two conflicting things inside me, part of me wants to do something that I would enjoy and the other part wants to just make money.  I wish I could do both.  Then the other part of me knows that doing something I am great at isn't either of those I dont think, or at least not anything that would involve either of those. 

I guess everyone grows and changes and learns and grows and changes.  I really wish I knew where I was headed.

So for some reason I keep thinking back to this girl.  I dont know why I can't forget about her. Part of me really doesnt want to.  You can probably read about her in my entries from a few years ago.  Maybe like my junior year.  so yeah like 3 years ago.  I remember thinking that she was perfect.  I'm not gonna go into details as far as who.  I remember I was a sap.  I hate using the word Love too, so I'm not going to.  I remember that had I had the money I would have bought her a ring and done anything to marry her.  I guess I just got some sense huh?  She was beautiful, sweet, funny, smart, driven.  She didnt judge me.  She had a heart of Gold.  I guess she just broke my heart.  Maybe I am just being too sappy right now so smack me if you see me, PLEASE!!! 

Well I dont know why I wrote all this but there ya go.

I don't know what has been up this year.  I never expected to be where I am at.  I never expected pride to consume me.  I never expected to be overwhelmed!  I had this year planned out.  I was going to ace 19 hours and have a 4.0!  Where is my passion.  Why can't I let go of everything that seems to make up my being.  Everything that has been covered up in my heart.  Everything that God has worked so hard to bring to the surface.  And I sit here alone on a Saturday Night, with nothing, nothing by my pride and my arrogance and everything that I hate about myself.  Everything that I know puts a barrier between me and God.  My Pride and my Arrogance!  God get rid of my pride!

Currently Reading When I Don’t Desire God: How To Fight For Joy By John Piper see related

So, why is it so hard for me to even begin to think that Our salvation in Christ is dependent in anyway on what we could possibly want or do? 

The answer to this I have found in God's word because of a few things:

We are not deserving of anything but Hell...  The fact that people wonder why God would choose to send someone to Hell and say that he wouldn't because he is a God of love is extremely off base and truly has nothing to stand on simply because the answers are clear from God's word since "all have fallen short of the Glory of God" simply because "the wages of sin is death."

God Choose Prophets so it is not beyond him to choose who will go to Heaven...  God decided who prophets would be, who the kings woud be and the list goes on. 

God's grace abounds that much more since he chooses who will go to heaven...  It is not arrogant nor is it prideful to say that God chooses who will go to heaven simply because no one is deserving of it which in turn shows that it can't be earned.  Essentially there is nothing we can do outside of the holyspirit prompting our hearts and coming to the saving knowledge of Christ through the opportunity presented by God through his bestowing of the holy spirit on us. 

It is because of the opportunity given to us by God through the Holy Spirit that we are saved...  Christ is God's word and in hearing God's word we are receiving Christ into us.  Since Christ is no longer here on earth we are given the holy spirit and by truly hearing God's word the Holy spirit awakens in us the faith with which it takes to believe God's word.  It is through this subconcious proding of the Lord through the Holy Spirit that brings us to salvation by grace(the bestowing of the Holy spirit through the hearing of God's word) through faith(that which is awakened by the power of the holy spirt).

It is by Grace Through Faith that we are saved...  We do not save ourselves.  We are "crucified with Christ" so "it is no longer (us) who live, but Christ who lives in us."  So once we truly hear the Word and the Holy spirit is bestowed upon us, it is that very moment that Christ comes into us and saves us, which in turn shows that we are doing nothing on our own outside that which God has allowed.  Essentially, when we hear the word it puts us in the way of the holy spirit.  Yet, the holy spirit moves where he wills and has "merciful effects in our lives even before we are able to choose them.

The conclusion I have come to from God's word is that God has his responsibility to call and it is our responsibility to come.

Currently Reading When I Don’t Desire God: How To Fight For Joy By John Piper see related

"Oh Taste and See that the Lord is Good."

To taste God, and to see him.  To experience the ultimate extent of his glory and by his grace be allowed to be a part of this incredible process.  How incredibly devastating it is to have the amazing opportunity to pursue the Lord and know him.  Not just know him as subject to us an our finite view, but know him with the hope of future glory that we can know and press on towards because of the Glory which we have already heard, seen, experienced and know.  How incredible it is to fully savor each day with the desire for the glory of God in his glory which he has already allowed us a brief and minute glimpse of since " the reason we hope for the revelation of God's glory is because we have indeed seen so much of it in Christ and in nature that our hearts are captured by it forever."  To be captured and captivated and satisfied.  How awesome the journey with God toward glorification through the light of his son Jesus Christ!

"Knowing you Jesus, Knowing you, There is no greater thing..."